Tuesday, 5 June 2012

Brains......BRAINS!!!!!

Music currently playing: Zac Hemsey - Mind Heist vEviCtion's Summer Blockbuster (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3N8BKkUmHcI)

So Saturday was pretty full on for me. Preparing for a pot-luck dinner should've been easy, but because I can't move as fast as I could previously, things take a lot longer to be completed - including the chocolate layer cake that was made. I had fun doing it though, which feels weird and looks weird as I re-read it. Saturday night was hard. I need a nap during the day and I didn't get a chance to. Arrived at my friends' house (Laney & Marz), immediately put the cake away, and started work on the Apple Crumble.

That was a difficult time, because of my lack of fast movement. That, and I wasn't able to focus; even doing one task at a time was difficult. There were only 2 of us in the kitchen, so it wasn't like there was chaos to distract me. But I was so scatty and it took me so long to finish the crumble. But it was eventually done.

Music currently playing: Spy Game - Harry Gregson-Williams - Training Montage

It was a good night, although I had to retreat suddenly to Laney's bedroom because the pain I have became a bit too much. To explain, I have a constant headache and there is an aching pain in my left arm - places where I have my uninvited BFF. I'm on medication, but that can only do so much, and can only last so long. But I prefer dealing with pain, than with grogginess (spelling?) as a result from the meds.

Music currently playing: Cobra - Thomas Detert - Skyline (Remake)

Tonight, was another dinner night, but held at home. I have a mutual friend with my housemates whom I used to work with and we hadn't had a good catch up since.....2001? A very long time, anyway. It was a good night, but very stressful for me. I had started food prepping since 15:00 (that's 3pm, for those who don't do 24 hour time :D) and was expecting my friend at 18:00 (6pm :P). It was a simple menu: beef roast, with potatoes, carrots, broccoli & cauliflower (fooglestix - looking back, I forgot to do cheese sauce! Fffffuuuu!!!!). Again, slow movements and inability to process multiple thoughts. Even the shopping was a little bit stressful - and I had a shopping list! This, combined with incomplete planning, produced self-imposed stress. I'd like to think it was well-handled though, but I'm certainly losing ground on thinking ahead and analysing things. Sally & Nick would ask me "Is there anything you'd like done?" and I'm sure there was stuff to do, but I couldn't think ahead of the task that I was completing myself. Eventually I had to give vague assignments "Could you please deal with the vegetables." or they had to suggest ideas to me. There was a brief awkward moment when Nick asked me "What are you putting the vegetables in?" I'm sure I looked like a stunned mullet for a few seconds.

Music currently playing: Filter - Take A Picture

It's very disconcerting to know that my attention span, or general thinking ability is different. It's also more disconcerting to know that it could get worse. I don't think I've fully processed, emotionally, what lies ahead. But at the same time, I'm not freaked out by it either. I'm not sure if that's how I really feel about it, or it's a coping mechanism to just sweep it under the carpet in the hopes that no one (like myself) notices. I guess we'll see later this month. There are 2 weeks before I get my op. Fun times, fun times....



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